Change in Direction

First of all, I would like to apologize for the length of time that has passed since the last update to this blog. I will continue to post about this family’s journey, but there has been a change that needs addressing.

Things don’t always go as originally planned. I talk a lot about life lessons in this blog and I still believe all the lessons that I have posted about are absolutely true, as true today as they were when I wrote them. When I became a parent, many things about “who I am” changed direction. It is absolutely overwhelming how a child can change the way you think, feel, and act instantaneously. For example, I was always a trusting person (and good driver) but the first time we had Rae Ana in the car with us, I couldn’t trust other motorist any less, nor did I feel safe in that death trap of a vehicle, especially driving past big rigs. (We were that truck doing 40 miles an hour in the slow lane on the freeway.) Of course we made it safely home and have been fortunate enough to have many safe travels since, but her safety never escapes my mind. Ever.

As a child grows, you go through stages as a parent. At first, in the newborn stage, it’s all about being engrossed with your little angel trying desperately to remember to eat and not stare at them all day long (there’s no nutrition in that) and soaking up every ounce of sleep you are lucky enough to get.  Then, as your child grows a little older and starts to become mobile, it’s all about a safe environment where they won’t hurt themselves while discovering their independence. Then they start to talk and it becomes all about teaching- colors, numbers, reading, observation, manners and watching the things that come out of our own mouths! J Then comes the toddler stage where you combine all of these things and kick it into high gear.

Rae Ana is about to turn 2 years old. She is a miniature version of me; she mimics and copies everything. She is much smarter than anyone gives her credit for, except me. I see the wheels turning in her head as she gets excited to tell me a story about a dragon that has to go poo poo potty on the volcano (yes- true story…thank you Dora the Explorer and potty training). I also know that she can see more than what meets the eye. She knows when Mommy isn’t happy, no matter the front I try to put forward. My little mimic needs the best examples set for her at this time and I am afraid that I have been doing a horrible job in showing her what a functional marriage is about; rather I have been showing her what a good friendship is like.

Oscar and I have separated. But we intend on staying very good friends. Another common goal is to make sure that Rae Ana has as much mommy and daddy time as she can stand as we both love her more than anything else in the world. Having come from a split home myself, this was certainly not something that I ever wanted for Rae Ana, nor will I go into details on this blog, but setting good examples for my daughter are my highest priority.

I don’t feel like I owe any explanation to anyone reading this blog, I am merely communicating the reason that the posts will soon change tone. Who knows? Maybe Oscar will contribute his own posts in the future… For now, I will work on drafting posts on the finalization, gotcha day, first birthday, life with a toddler and our awesome relationship with our wonderful birth family.