Question: So what do adoptive parents in waiting do when they are
waiting for “the call”?
Answer: They wait what seems to be FOREVER!
I am going to break up this page
into sections. The wait is an absolute emotional rollercoaster! If you find
yourself falling into a slump, I hope you find that you are not alone by
reading through the following. Waiting for a call was one of the hardest things
Oscar and I had ever gone through. Our sole purpose for putting this entire
blog together is to try to help others… so we hope it helps you!
Talking with your family and friends about your decision to adopt
Hopefully, you have already
talked with your closest family members friends about your decision to adopt,
but you should continue the discussions. Educate your closest family and
friends about what you learn through your journey. Extend your conversations
throughout your family, it really helps them to see you being optimistic and
informative, and it will help you in return- set the mood!
You will get a lot of questions
and requests for updates on the wait. This can be the hard part, but the more
you deal with it “out loud” the less likely you are to have any negative
feelings fester inside you. This is also an opportunity for you to educate
others on your particular adoption choice be it open, international, private,
or other. If you are pursuing an open adoption be prepared for your older
friends and relatives to not be as comfortable with your choice. Just continue
to educate!
You will likely be amazed at all
the people you know that have been touched by adoption. Even to this day, we
are blown away with the stories we hear from people have known for years. We love
hearing other perspectives as it helps us continue to understand the entirety
of our own adoption. We have friends and family members that are birthparents
of adopted children, that are adopted themselves, and that have adopted their
children. (Again, I highly recommend reading Loved by Choice- it is such a
great book to put things into perspective!)
Going through the Holidays
I am not going to lie. The year’s
worth of holidays that we experienced as we waited were truly the WORST
holidays ever! Don’t worry though, the first holidays with your child are by
far the BEST ever! You are more than just in being a scrooge and you do not
have to allow anyone try to cram joy down your throat! At first, we looked
forward to celebrating the holiday next year thinking we would have adopted
sooner rather than later, but as time drug on, the hopefulness faded. Deal with
the holidays however you can. I can offer no advice on this one… I was a total
Grinch!
The only thing that seemed to help us through it all was spending time with our family.
Being proactive with your adoption
Here are some things you can do
to stay involved, positive, and to maintain momentum.
- Call your agency at least once a month to check-in with your status and any interest they have received.
- If your agency provides, attend monthly teleconferences.
- Stay interactive with other prospective parents in waiting. Support each other without competing against one another.
- Enlist the help of your friends and family to help spread the word that you are trying to adopt.
- If your agency allows, make a short video to show prospective birthparents. Seeing is believing… believing you are REAL people, that is! Our agency created web pages for us and linked our video to our page.
- Come up with ways to “advertise” yourselves. Our agency made business card sized advertisements for us (for an additional fee, of course) that had our portrait, names, a few descriptive terms about us, and the agency’s phone number. We mailed these out to friends and family across 7 states to share with their churches, doctor’s office, and public posting places.(Example below...)
- Practice things you want to talk about with a birthmother. You should get plenty of time to prepare for this, but take some time to jot down some special points about yourselves that you want her to know. Likewise, figure out what you want to know about a birthmother, especially in the first conversation (which can be extremely awkward regardless of how prepared you are).
- Read, study, research!
Preparing for Baby
When time seemed to really drag
on, we would go shopping! Isn’t that what all women do to cheer ourselves up
and lighten up wallets? In all seriousness, find the “what you need for a
newborn” section of any parenting book like What to Expect…, and be sure you
get those items at the very least.
If you are decided on a gender,
or even if you are open to either gender, start planning your nursery design.
Start furnishing it. Start decorating it. Do a little bit here and there- it
will keep you sane! I have to admit that this was my favorite thing to do when
I was feeling down. I even rearranged the nursery on occasion.
Taking time to enjoy one another
Just as trying to conceive a
child had become a “job”, the wait had become a serious “weight” on our
shoulders. You must realize that you and your partner are going through this
together and you must support one another. We took the time to sit down and
talk about our feelings as we continued to wait which help settle our
anxiousness simply by knowing we were together in it all.
It really helped when we went on
dates together and tried to revel in the time alone, while it lasted. Be
careful not to get so focused on the end goal that you miss out the path you
travel. There are a lot of things that will change once your baby comes home
with you- take advantage of the freedom while you can!
- Go to the movies.
- Go out for any type of dining that isn’t family style, unless of course you need to surround yourself with positive energy now and then.
- Take “me” time away from one another so you can appreciate each other even more once together.
- Take weekend trips.
- Sleep in.
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